OK, so I totally stole that title from the fitness log of my friend Donna, but I'm using it because I've got nothing creative in my head. I've typed 3 or 4 different titles already and that should be the easy part.... ugh. You wonder why I don't blog more, despite planning to do it regularly? Mostly it has to do with the fact that I think my writing probably isn't all that interesting to read in the first place (although my sister in law thinks otherwise, according to her....lol!). I mean seriously, who wants to read about the mostly boring but nonetheless much too busy life of 40 something me? Anyway, I often have an idea of something that I want to write about, but it doesn't always come out quite the way I envisioned, and then I get bogged down in the details and end up deleting everything or never really starting in the first place. I think too much. That's probably what it is mostly about. :) I guess, too, that I think if I don't write something that is going to have an impact on someone, than why am I bothering in the first place. So much pressure on myself! I mean really, this is just supposed to be a place for me to share stuff that may or may not be helpful to anyone but me... more a way to write down the junk in my head to look at it a bit more objectively. (See... now there I go again, getting all bogged down in other stuff than what I wanted to originally write about. ARGH!) This time, though, I'm not deleting my little tangents... I'm just gonna leave it all in here. So there!
So tonight marks the last night of my "early 40's"... tomorrow I turn 46, and I am really not liking that much. Everyone can say stuff like "You're only as old as you feel" yada yada yada.... but really, you're as old as you are, kwim? I don't feel 46, and I don't think I look it either... but age is what it is. The reality is that, given my family history, I may not have more than 20 years left on this Earth. Pretty frigging depressing. Then again, I could get hit by a bus tomorrow and not even have that long. (I really hope that this isn't foreshadowing, just so you know!) My current focus in counseling is to "make the best of it"... which I can apply not only to marriage, but to life in general. Sometimes I think of it somewhat pessimistically... as in, make the best of things, even when they're not great. Suck it up and just deal with it... the grass isn't really greener anywhere else. Then again, I could think of the phrase in a different way, as in make the best of things, because life can change on a dime, and it could all be gone tomorrow. Still depressing to think about maybe, but hopefully it elicits a different type of response. Rather than fostering some resentment, as in the former case, it can bring about a feeling of appreciation for what you have and a willingness to work to make things better, since otherwise nothing will change. (OK, so I hope that makes some sense... I am beyond ready for bed and am sitting here singing along with Christine Lavin music while trying to type.... not a productive combination!)
So, long story short (yeah, right!) to celebrate my first 45 years of life, I make the decision every day to take care of myself. I've got to say that I'm doing pretty well in the self-care department at the moment! :) Since getting back on track three months ago today with regard to both nutrition and exercise, I have lost a total of 25 pounds. The change in my attitude and self-confidence are the best birthday gift... and they didn't cost me a thing!
